Saved

~ This story has a soundtrack—listen while you read ~

We were believing Catholics and all, but I was 16 and David was 17. We were more interested in finding out what other people tasted like than hearing the word of God. So, every Tuesday when we were supposed to be good little children sitting in the church Youth Program listening to whoever was interpreting that week’s reading, we would instead be satisfying our curiosity on each other in the church bathroom.

I got really sick when I was 13 (some neurological stuff), and it gave me crippling anxiety. Naturally, I developed coping mechanisms, one of which was living in intervals of thirty minutes. So: the class started at 6:30, but we had to start moving inside the church by 6:20, which meant David and I agreed to meet in the bathroom at 6:07. Assuming he would arrive at 5:50, greet everyone blah blah blah and make it upstairs by 6:07-6:10 by the latest. Those three minutes were a buffer for surprises, like the hall doors being locked or some other obstacle. I mapped out and timed our hookups perfectly.  

As usual, I crept up the stairs to the main bathrooms from the hall entrance and waited for an opportunity to sneak into the disabled bathroom. Everyone was so caught up in talking to their friends on the way in that no one was paying attention to where I was anyway. I slid through the door and then checked my watch, it was 6:12. David was two minutes late!

But just as I was about to clean the little bed that is meant for mothers to change nappies so I could sit, someone knocked on the door. One knock, a brief break and then another four quick knocks. Our secret knock.

I unlocked the door and pulled David inside before locking it behind him. He grabbed my waist and kissed me roughly on the lips. 

My best friend. 

I’d missed him. I couldn’t make class last week because the chronic pain in my legs had been worse than usual, and it crippled me. As per the doctor's orders, I was bedridden for most of the week until it subsided. Now, I was here, and I was horny. Really horny. 

“You're two minutes late,” I scolded him between kisses as he pressed me up against the wall.   

He dived into my neck and nipped at the skin. “Matthew was late.” David’s gregarious twin brother. I slid my hands under his sweater, and I felt a shiver skid over his skin. I pulled his sweater off, and he laid it on the changing bed before he lifted and sat me down on it. I kicked my sneakers off and helped him pull my leather pants and panties off. He stood between my legs, his hands under my shirt, his face in my neck. I unbuttoned his jeans and shoved my hands into his boxers to grip his cock.   

“Someone's excited.”  

“You excite me,” he smiled at me with a smile that I lived for as he pulled my shirt over my head and threw it behind him. He spread my legs further and got on his knees with his head between them. My head fell back against the wall behind me, and my eyes fell shut.   

“I missed you,” he said before taking my clit into his mouth.  

“It was only one extra week,” I said between breaths.   

“One week too much.” I laughed, but it came out breathy. My fingers gripped the edge of the bed when he thrust a finger inside me.  

I had to pull my bottom lip between my teeth to keep myself from making too much noise. My orgasm rolled off of me in gentle waves and sent jolts of electricity to my nipples. I shuddered at the feeling - it was electric. He stood up and pulled a condom out of his back pocket. I took it from him and rolled it onto his length. He closed his eyes as I stroked him.   

He caressed my face and brought my lips to his. I kissed him and relished in the feeling of tasting myself on his tongue as it swirled around in my mouth.   

He lifted me off the bed and pressed my back against the wall. It was cold against my naked skin, but I was too caught up in the feeling of David plunging inside me. He wrapped my legs around his waist, and I locked my ankles behind him. I bit his neck to keep myself from moaning aloud. We were, after all, having sex in the disabled bathroom of a church.   

His thrusts were shallow and fast, but he hit all the right places. I dug my nails into his scalp as I clung to him while he thrust inside me. With his hands on my ass, he bounced me up and down on his cock.   

“Oh god, David.” He picked up his pace and moved even faster. All I could think about between the pleasure was, ‘Thank god for rugby giving you so much stamina.’ 

I don't know how many times I came but by the time David was done, I was vibrating.   

He brought me down slowly from my high, just the way I liked it—he didn’t stop kissing me. He moaned into my neck as we both finished. I was shaking and sensitive, but David held and kissed me until I calmed down.   

He put me down onto the bed again. I felt him slip out and even though I had felt him come, he was still hard as a rock. I took him in my hand, and his breath caught in his throat. He threaded his hands in my hair and kissed me as I stroked him and finished him off a second time.   

We got dressed in silence. His neck was covered in dark purple hickeys and deep bite marks. Normally, I wouldn't mark him above his neckline but he came in wearing a turtleneck and I just couldn't resist. When he was completely dressed, I fixed his collar and ran my hand through his hair to fix it up. He caressed my face the same way he always did and gave me a long kiss goodbye.   

“I missed you, too,” I said, before I slipped out the door to join the others in the back of the pews.

About 5 minutes later, David snuck in from the back, just as I had, and joined his twin brother Matthew who was sitting further down the bench from me. My body was still tingling. 

 ~~~

I grew up in a strict Catholic home. Church at 7:00 in the morning every Sunday. Trust in God. He has a plan for us all. He planned our future long before we were even born. Trust in God's plan. That's what everyone told me when I got sick. I was 13 and at the tail end of the first year of high school when suddenly my whole world came crashing down around me. Trust in God’s plan. 

Fuck God and his fucking plan. 

David and I met in Sunday school when we were 10. We didn't talk much or anything but there was always this unspoken relationship between the two of us. He came to mass with his grandparents every Sunday, and they sat at the other end of the same pew that I sat in. David was always quiet. Whenever we went on church camps, David would sit alone, far away from his brother. Matthew was a magnet. People were naturally drawn to him. David hated the attention. I didn't really have friends either, so I sat next to David. Half the time we didn't even talk. We just… sat. 

Everything changed after I got sick. I was in such a deep state of depression that I stopped talking for months. Still, David reached out. He helped me find myself—mentally and, eventually, sexually. 

Normally, my parents would never have let a boy come over to the house, but David was different. They watched him grow up, and when they looked at him, they saw a good respectable Catholic boy that came from a good respectable Catholic family. A good respectable Catholic boy that had their good respectable Catholic daughters' best interests at heart. They didn't see the other David. The real David. My David. The David that made me come so many times I would literally pass out. The David that fucked me senseless every Tuesday in the church bathroom. Yes, in God's fucking house. It really is always the quiet ones, huh?  

Four years later  

I follow my parents into the semi-empty church like the prodigal son—daughter—returning. The choir is warming up by singing a few songs before mass. Just as we did when I was a little girl growing up, my family sits in the pew at the very back of the church on the right side of the bench. Ten minutes in, I watch David's grandmother walk in holding hands with her husband from the corner of my eye, Matthew and David in tow.  

They haven’t changed at all in the four years that I've been studying abroad…maybe more athletic?

David immediately notices me sitting in my usual corner with my parents. He gives me a look of fire and ice, and I instantly know. I excuse myself, make my way to the disabled bathroom, and anxiously wait inside. 

A knock at the door makes my heart race. I wait to hear the next four knocks, then I unlock the door. David steps in.   

We stare at each other, unsure of who will make the first move. I want to wait him out, but something pushes me forward. The moment I begin to move, he takes the lead. His hands are on my face, and his lips are crashing against mine. I moan at the contact. I forgot how good it felt to kiss him. His tongue pushes its way into my mouth and meets mine. It isn’t long before we fall back in sync. I push his jacket off his shoulders, and he shrugs it off and lays it on the changing bed before lifting me and sitting me down on it. 

I open my legs, and he stands between them. It’s like we’re 16 all over again.  

I’m wearing a black leather pleated skirt that sits right above my knee with a white dress shirt under a dark blue crew neck and my Doc Martens. I never wear skirts, but I’d gone to New York to visit my sister and we’d gone thrifting. The moment I saw the skirt I knew I had to have it. 

He pulls away from me and pulls my crew neck over my head. I undo the buttons on my dress shirt while David kisses my neck. I’m wearing a white lace bra with a small silver glitter bow in the middle. I love to splurge on fancy lingerie and underwear. There’s something about being the only one that knows what lacy and sparkly set you're wearing under your innocent pantsuit at work. And there is nothing more gratifying than seeing your one night stand drool over your underwear and want to rip it all off. This white and silver number is less than the tip of the iceberg. I can tell he appreciates it.

“Take it off,” David orders. 

Oh my God, yes. His eyes are dark and hooded. They bear into mine as I reach behind me—never breaking eye contact—and unclasp my bra. I pull the straps off my shoulders and discard them to the side. Without my bra, my sternum tattoo of a dragon with mandala patterns that curves under my breasts is fully visible. The cold air makes my nipples stand up straight. He stares at the small barbells that pierce my nipples.   

“Fuck.” He lowers his head and takes my nipple into his mouth. My head falls back. I lean back onto my arms, careful to not touch the part of the bed that isn’t covered in David’s jacket. David lifts my pleated skirt and pushes my legs further open. He pulls my panties to the side and rubs my clit. I release a shaky moan when he pushes a finger inside me.  

“Holy shit...” I whisper. “Another...” He complies, easing a second finger inside me. My back writhes as he moves in and out faster and faster, coaxing out my orgasm. I come on David's hand while he has his mouth on my breasts.   

We pull his black t-shirt over his head, and I press my body against him as I wrap my arms around his shoulders. I pulled away from him with his bottom lip between my teeth before I release it and kiss his jaw, running my teeth along his neck. My fingernails lightly skid over his back and give him goosebumps. I unbuckle his belt and open the button and fly. He hisses at the touch of my hand around his cock.   

“I never understood why you always had cold hands.”  

“I don't have a soul,” I say with a devious smile. I tighten my grip, and he releases a feral growl. “God, you're bigger than I remember.”  

“I'm not 17 anymore.”  

“Touché.” I pull him free from his boxers and spread the drop of pre-cum all over his head before looking him dead in the eyes, “Fuck me.”  

There it is again, that feral growl. He grabs my neck in his hand and pulls my face to his. He pulls a condom out from his wallet. I tear the foil packet and roll the condom onto him. Within a split second, he has my panties down my legs, and my breasts up against his chest with his hands under my ass. He shoves two fingers inside me to prepare me for his cock.   

I bite my lip to stop myself from moaning. He curls his fingers upward, stroking the bumpy roof of my vaginal wall before pulling them out and plunging inside me. I yelp. God, he is huge. Thick and long. He hits the back of my cervix with the first thrust. He clamps his hand over my mouth to keep me from getting us caught.   

It hasn’t been that long since I’ve last had sex, but it has been a while since I’ve been fucked. Properly fucked. David drills into me and bites the crook of my neck as he does. Without any warning, he drops me onto my feet, spins me around, and takes me from behind. I brace my hands on the sink, and he grabs my neck again, digging his fingernails into my neck. The feeling is indescribable. My back is arched against David's hard body. He has one hand around my neck that forces my head to crane backwards and rest on his shoulder while his other hand works between my legs, running over my clit at lighting speed. He bites my shoulder and tightens his grip around my neck.   

I’m so close, and I know he can tell. Again, he pulls out and spins me around to face him, only this time he slips his arm under the back of my knee and hitches my leg up before thrusting inside me again. His mouth captures mine before I have a chance to scream at the raw feeling. He’s so deep, it’s all-consuming.   

“Oh god, David, I'm going to come.” My head falls back, and my eyes roll back with it. My body vibrates as my orgasm rips through me. Electricity shoots through my nerves and sets my body on fire. At the height of my orgasm, I lose all sense of being. I don’t know where or who I am.  

My mouth is left hanging open as silent moans escape my throat. David buries his face in my neck as he comes. I’m pretty sure I feel him shake, too. I don't know how long we stand there like that. It feels like an eternity. I want the moment to last forever and a day.   

When I eventually come to, David is still breathing heavily into my neck. I feel his mouth leave my skin, and I instantly miss it. Then he slips out. I feel empty. He lowers my leg onto the floor but catches me when my legs give out from under me. We are both severely out of breath, and every few seconds, my body jerks as the aftershock of my orgasm roll through me.   

David lifts me by my waist and puts me on the changing table. I rest my head against the wall, and David stands between my legs with his arms around my waist and his head on my chest. I lazily run my fingers through his hair.   

Being back here in this room brings a wave of emotion over me. This place wasn’t just where we had our weekly hook ups, it was a safe space. Somewhere I could let down my guard and be emotionally vulnerable. Every Tuesday, no matter what storm was raving around me, I would come here and stand in the arms of someone that grounded me. And all these years later, I find it amazing that I can sit in this bathroom and find myself safely wrapped in David's arms again. 

“The ink looks good on you,” he says. I’d gotten a significant number of tattoos done since he’d last seen me.   

“Thanks,” I reply. When David stands, I notice that he’s still hard. He catches me staring.   

“What?”   

I jump off the bed and pull the condom off. I crouch in front of him and pull his jeans down to his knees.  

“You don't have to —” he starts. I look him in the eye as I swallow him.   

“Oh fuck.” His eyes squeeze shut.   

He puts his hand on my head, but he doesn’t push me to do anything. I can taste the latex of the condom, and while it isn’t pleasant, David's reaction is more than worth it. I release him from my throat and swirl my tongue from the base up to his head. Bracing my hands on his thighs, I bob up and down while paying special attention to the head. I roll his balls in my hand. 

I read in a book that sex is supposed to be a give and take, a Yin and Yang, and I can’t agree more.  

I feel David’s grip tighten on my hair, and I know he’s close. I would have drawn this out and made him work for it. Push him to a point where he was begging for it, but we don’t have that much time. So, I pick up my pace and let him fuck my mouth until he erupts in my throat. 

In the past, my eyes were always closed, and I’d always been too lost in my euphoria to see what he looks like when he comes. His face was always buried in my neck. But this time, I make a point to watch him. I watch him come undone, and I wish I could go back in time to witness him each time.   

I feel him soften in my mouth after he finishes. He helps me up and gives me an appreciation kiss. Nothing like a post blow job high-five. He rests his forehead on mine, “Best head of my life.”

David gives me my discarded shirt and bra. I run my hands over my shirt in an attempt to smooth it over. David hands me my crew neck, and suddenly, it feels too warm to wear even though it’s still relatively windy outside. I pull my afro comb out of my small bag and fluff my hair. David stands behind me with his hands on my hips. He pushes my hair to the side and kisses my neck. “You still smell the same.”  

I smile. “You know how I feel about change.”  

“Yes, I do.” I turn around in his arms and look into his eyes. It feels like we’re the only people in the universe.

I kiss him, and what’s meant to be a brief goodbye kiss turns out to be a long goodbye kiss. Everything—intentional or not—is always drawn out and protracted with David. Nothing is ever short or simple. It hurts me a little inside. But still, I walk away.  

David calls after me, “You forgot these.” I turn around to face him. It’s my black panties.   

“Keep ‘em.”  

Father is giving the final blessing when I leave the bathroom. I do the sign of the cross out of respect and wait outside for my parents. David's grandmother walks up and hugs me.   

“It’s been so long. Where did you say you moved to?” she asks.

“I was in Manchester for four years and I just moved to Oslo this year.”  

“Oh my, your parents must be so proud of you.” She gives me a warm smile. “David, come and see who came back home.”  

We greet with a hug as if he didn't just fuck my brains out.  “When did you get back?”  

“Just this past Wednesday.”  

"Rayla,” Matthew walks up to me with open arms. 

I return his hug. As I do, he leans in to whisper in my ear, “You and David are both going to hell, you know that?”   

“It's nice to see you, too.” I smile.  

Photo by Gantas Vaičiulėnas